"It wasn't hard to figure out what to write because the first thing I saw when I viewed my picture was my belly.  I acknowledged it was a great picture of me ( I usually hate all my pictures), but my eye was instantly drawn to my stomach. I showed this picture to ten people, including my son who all thought it was a fabulous picture. No one could see what I saw, that nagging critical eye. I was pudgy all my life except when I was practically anorexic in HS and now ( for the past 7-8 yrs). I am actually the healthy weight I was in HS, but I will always see "Gail the whale", as I was called in grade school.  This other image of me is so ingrained, so unhealthy, that I stand by my sign: "I want NOT to care so much". I still do, but I hope for a day when I do not."

Gail S. Kotel
Therapeutic Pilates

A Guest Blog Post from our Certified Nutrition Consultant, Tori Sklar

Size zero and still not small enough.
Body positivity issues come in all shapes and sizes. Just because I am small does not mean I am automatically comfortable with how I look. There isn’t a mirror that I walk by where I don’t obsess with my figure whether I like it or not.
I feel guilty even writing this because I feel like I am not allowed to be self conscious. Because people call me thin I am naturally supposed to feel good about myself? It doesn’t work that way and yelling at me to eat doesn’t make it any easier.
Focusing on people’s looks isn’t healthy no matter what they look like. People get hospitalized and die from eating disorders and the smallest little comment could send them over the edge without you even realizing it.
Embrace people as a whole. Look at their mind, spirit and character not just their body. Help people feel comfortable in their own skin instead of picking apart their outer appearance. There are too many issues in this world, body image shouldn’t be one of them anymore.

Confessions of a Binger: Saturn Returned, Lesson Learned.

I was born with curves I didn’t know what to do with, and I hated them. I stopped growing at barely 5’2” and hit my peak of puberty at 9, At an ultra skinny, blonde, and white school in Utah. I had a C cup in 3rd grade. I was tan and Jewish. I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was constantly bullied and was trying desperately to just fit in. I put sun-in in my hair and dyed it to as close to blonde as I could. I didn’t go play outside anymore to whiten up, and although I tried at first to slim down, I found the best way to get the popular girls to like me, was to get fat. I could hang out with them and in the most non-threatening way possible, especially because I was told that it was “unfair how pretty” I was. And I wanted friends. That has felt like the ultimatum my entire life. Look healthy and be alone or be fat and have friends. And most of the time I feel alone, I go up in weight. And it always spirals out of control. Mostly because I don’t work through those feelings, I run away from my body and when I find myself emotionally present again, I find my clothes way too tight, costumes not fitting right, and almost dumbfounded as to how I wound up in this body again. At my heaviest I was just around 227lbs. Now I am just under 190. And I’m working through it. It’s going a bit more slowly this time because instead of the healthy (and unhealthy) bingeing patterns I had held onto for almost 10 years, I finally said, out loud, and to my therapist, “I need to unpack this.” This morning at yoga, I had a choice, I could be repulsed and deny who and what was right in front of me, or I could accept it. And work IN my body. And this evening I could have hidden in shame, but I didn’t. I went to an event that I ended up feeling so grateful to be in the room for... Over this last month that I had been stumbling into a plan, I kept thinking to myself, “it would be so much better if I could just go away for 3 months to some kind of “fat farm” instead of feeling so embarrassed and ashamed and honestly confused because the woman who I am and feel like is different from this body that I currently find myself in...but, I am right in the first few months of my Saturn Return, which, for all of you non-astrology people, means that the lessons that I didn’t really digest up to this point in my life, come back and hit me hard, and force me to go deep. And I could run away AGAIN. OR, I could LOVE my body. The body that actually IS the body I feel like, but with some armor on, my protection. I have abused my natural curves to hide me from people getting close enough to hurt me, that’s the truth. And, as ironic as it sounds, to be invisible. But I don’t want the armor anymore, it has actually caused me so much pain time and time again, so if this state seems to be my foundation of safety, I have to CREATE a new, healthier one because I am the only person who is coming to save me.  And this time, I’m not ashamed to honor it, the bit by bit it comes off, the bit by bit those cells shrink, to reveal the beautiful curves I was born with, and honor the muscles that hold me and shape me. To reveal me. Out of hiding. Vulnerable. And Stripped.

Your body will change so many times in your life, maybe from circumstances different from mine, but love it, love YOU. At every shape, at every age, and at every stage.
-Anna Lisa Fischel, Actress
Patricipant in the Body Aesthetic Project: Philadelphia, October 2017

​ 
Human 1: Oreo Blizzard
 
I often hear stories about past experiences that stay with us, from clients, friends, family… Words can both cut like a knife, and also have no meaning at all. It’s all in the power we give them. My hope is that through the Body Aesthetic Project we are able to shed light on the experiences that connect us all, that make us all HUMAN. That is why each photo in the series it titled Human, because we share one thing in common, a body and a mind. It’s our response to those two things that make us individuals yet connect us all.
 
Today, I share with you the first guest photographer for the Body Aesthetic Project: Philadelphia. Dave gifted Theatrical Trainer with his time and talent to open dialogues and capture participants in their vulnerability and honesty! It was there, through their experiences that he himself allowed me to take a photo of him, to participate with all of us. Being on the other side of the lens was hard… I’m sure, but I’m grateful he allowed us such an intimate story and experience.
 
All too often, we heard words, quite unwelcome, from others about our bodies, talents, and ideas…. I think to myself, “in what ways can we encourage others to be more kind?” but soon, I realized, the best combat is for us to find our inner strength and peace, to shut out all the noise from those vengeful words… to learn self-love.
 
The body positivity movement is rather new, but it’s a beautiful thing. It’s what I’ve dedicated my life and company to, to allow us time to research the psychology behind positive thought in relationship to our own bodies and wellness in the arts.
 
Cruel words will always exist, but what is the best means to combat them? How can we walk away from them, not giving them power? How can we all, as humans, find the things that connect us in shared experience?
 
Just some thoughts for this snowy day in March.
 
Thank you, Dave, for being open and vulnerable. Thank you for being strong.

Yours in Health,

Peter Andrew Danzig
​Founder, Theatrical Trainer
 

Body Aesthetic is an initiative produced by Theatrical Trainer. Body Aesthetic is Philadelphia's first city-wide art narrative exploring body image, dysmorphia and wellness through expressive arts.

Why are we doing this project, you might ask. Good question. My research for the last 4 years has led to the larger questions of what is body image and wellness for the creative mind? In the arts, we claim a loving, and welcoming structure, yet, not always are those environments conducive to body positivity, or even the science of human kinesiology. We ask so much of creative types in terms of their artistry, and their instrument, but sometimes, at the detriment of their emotional well-being.

As the founder of a wellness company, I felt we need to dive deeper into this notion and ask the larger questions. Things like:

• What are we doing to actors, clinically, psychologically, by asking for an over produced picture of them, essentially, judging by their bodies whether they are appropriate for a job? Is there some better way that does not place "value" on your face, but your talent?
• Why do we ask instrumentalists and musicians to play for hours and hours, and not observe breaks or rest structure when there is proven science that they can form joint problems without proper stretching and conditioning?
• Why do we ask physical theatre artists to perform "acro" tricks, without the basis of exercise science and understanding progressive loading on the body? When we ask someone to do a backflip, and they never have, maybe we can use science and bring in a trainer to ensure they are conditioned for safety! Imagine that?
• Clinically, in academic programs, can we introduce ways for creative types to have access to ways in which they can condition their body and take care of it, knowing that often, after graduation, they don't have access to health care?
• Can we expose better practices through creative arts to build a positive relationship to our bodies? Can we marry wellness and expressive arts not only to help the public, but to our creative artists providing the service?

The Body Aesthetic Project is just that! Twice annually, we will have photo days in Philadelphia (soon, nationwide?) where we ask the larger questions about our relationships to our bodies in creative fields and what we can do to strengthen our capacity for self-love and acceptance. Today, is day one, the unveiling of the start of our photo project.

How will we do this? Through an image and a statement. We will ALL share as HUMANS our story, because no matter the field, background, job, race, lifestyle, orientation, we all share one thing... a body. Where can our individual stories and experiences build community? 

We will unveil the photos and our research over the next few weeks, this is just a taste. We had an amazing turnout in October and our staff and faculty are slowing putting together our next photo day. In the meantime, here are a few images and check back often here or through social media at our Facebook page for more information.

Let's find out....

Yours in Health,

Peter Andrew Danzig
Founder, Theatrical Trainer